Another Corner to Turn.

     We are back home ~ from our annual Dr.'s appointment that takes us to Denver. Sophia was amazing on this journey from her ability to communicate and understand more of the world around her.  She was brave to undergo the EEG which she calls, "owie" and points to her head several different places to show you where all the electrodes go.  She prayed for Jesus to take "owie away".  Our prayer as well, that Jesus would heal her.  She fought sleep this time, which is progress for Phia living with WHS.  Her emotions have developed this year.  YAH!  She is able to cry and fight sleep like a typical child would be able to do.  Without any inhibitions we sang her songs and prayed, all with her directing and telling us what she needed.  A sneek peek, for those watching, into her beautiful gift of compassion and empathy.  She sang, "This little light of mine."  I would love to change the words to, "This very BIG light of mine."  She carries a torch inside her little body that reflects Jesus.  People are stopped in their tracks when they meet her and can see her brightness, pretty magnificant.  His way, along this journey, of keeping this Momma and Daddy seeing Him, too. 
The following day the news of the EEG was discussed with us.  Sophia had changed significantly from her last EEG, (two years ago.)  My heart started to race.  Bracing myself for the news that will change our lives, once again. Remembering the Psalm I had just read the night before, "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."  The Dr reports.... No epileptiform activity was recorded.  She had no spikes of seizure activity ~ at all.  A clear EEG....really, are you sure, check again.  Then came the news that she could taper off her seizure medication.  A turn on the road that came so unexpectedly.   When you don't expect good news it really becomes even greater news!  This was completely refreshing .  We thought maybe a med change but to be rid of them altogether?  Amazing.  The report from her appointments remained outstanding.  Good news after great news.    Choking up, as I write, on the goodness God has provided this little girl.  He has held her when I couldn't and still is, thankful.  He is her Sustainer. 
    The next 10 weeks we will taper Phia off the medicine and homeschool her during this transition.  Please pray for her and for us to put our fears to rest.  It is as uncertain to how she will do, (coming off the medication) as it was for her to go on the medication.  We are taking each day as it comes and trusting in His care.  I'm thankful for God to unmask my deep dark fears and free me from them.  So here we are, another corner to turn.  May it sink down in my heart to focus on Him as we start around the bend.  Trusting in a good God, always.  He gave me these verses the week before we started down the road to Denver. "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.  The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3: 16-17.  May I not let my hands hang limp, may I relinquish to Him ~ everything.  And when I forget and get tired, will you please help me....... reminding me and then, with one on one side and one on the other, hold each hand and help me keep them lifted up to God, ( just like Aaron and Hur did for Moses when they fought the Amalekites)..........please! I can't do this without you.  I also loved that Aaron and Hur provided a rock for him to sit on.

New Year, Develop a Devotion to Deep Love

     In light of the New Year and making resolutions I'm embracing this past years moments with God in hoping to receive more and develop more devotion with God.  Deep Love.  Sarah Young has spurred my faith from her devotional, "Jesus Calling."  She writes, "try saying, ' I trust YOU, Jesus' in response to whatever happens to you." 

O.k., this is where opportunity comes in.  The beginning of developing a habit with God.  Take time, think about who God is.... (remembering God speaking to Moses at the burning bush), "I AM who I AM."  Also ponder the deep Love of God. 

    So, indeed, I hope to allow this habit to see God in every circumstance, acknowledging and accepting God's Sovereign control over my life and the entire cosmos.   

Psalm 139: 7-12
"Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your Presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you;  the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." 

   Sarah also writes, (from Jesus' point of view, as Jesus speaking directly to you)....."As you view events from this perspective ~ through the Light of My universal Presence ~ fear loses its grip on you." 

   This is a gift from Sovereign God.  I pray to view my circumstances, this year, from this perspective and receive His gift.  The action of prayer and belief become part of my practice.  Crucial belief in God in crucial circumstances. These circumstances become growth opportunities as the action of trust, accepting God no matter what.  When I accept God in this kind of trust He has revealed blessings in my life, rather than adversity.    I, indeed, need to practice T-R-U-S-T so I can see more clearly and gain understanding as it comes from the God of Great Love.  By continually practicing trust, God draws me in his arms and I find rest.  I find rest in the beating of His heart.  I need to ponder Deep Love in these moments.  He molds me while I rest, against His heartbeat and He has me listen to His Love causing me to love and be strengthened.  I need to remember He is my heartbeat.  Deep Love. 

Psalm 62:3  "Your Love is better than life."

There is nothing more refreshing than a quiet moment and the gentle presence of God's treasure in my ♥.  Beginning with the opportunity of God's Peace today. This Year can bring more hope, devotion, Love, trust, faith, growth, acceptance, gifts, Light, understanding, prayer, grace and blessings because of Sovereign God.  Deep Love.   Remember.....try saying with me and Sarah, " I trust YOU, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you, in every moment, this year!

Isaiah 40: 11  "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart........."

Making Memories Most Unique this Season

Reflecting, on this story, this Advent season.  It is my most memorable.  May we make memories most unique to the moment we have this season.  Merry Christmas loved ones. 

"Seek Peace and Pursue It"  Psalm 34:14
in Christ our Savior a light has dawned,

Stuart, Janet, Gabriel and Sophia

Advent: My Most Memorable Christmas (Dec 9)   By Catherine Marshall. Marshall (1914 - 1983) was a noted Christian writer perhaps best known for her novel Christy. We spent Christmas 1960 at Evergreen Farm in Lincoln, Virginia--the home of my parents. With us were my sister and her husband--Emmy and Harlow Hoskins--and their two girls, Lynn and Winifred. It meant a typical family occasion with our three children, Linda, Chester, and Jeffrey, along with Peter John who was then a senior at Yale. Five children can make an old farmhouse ring with the yuletide spirit. For our Christmas Eve service, Lynn and Linda had prepared an improvised altar before the living room fireplace. Jeffrey and Winifred (the youngest grandchildren) lighted all the candles. Then with all of his family gathered around him, my father read Luke's incomparable account of the first Christmas. There was carol singing, with Chester and Winifred singing a duet, "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing," in their high, piping voices. Then my mother, the storyteller of the family, gave us an old favorite, "Why the Chimes Rang." She made us see the ragged little boy creeping up that long cathedral aisle and slipping his gift onto the altar. Then she said, "You know, I'd like to make a suggestion to the family. The floor underneath the tree in the den is piled high with gifts we're giving to one another. But we're celebrating Christ's birthday, not each other's. This is His time of year. What are we going to give to Jesus?" The room began to hum with voices, comparing notes. But Mother went on, "Let's think about it for a few moments. Then we'll go around the circle and each of us will tell what gift he will lay on the altar for Christ's birthday." Chester, age seven, crept close to his father for a whispered consultation. Then he said shyly, "What I'd like to give Jesus this year is not to lose my temper anymore." Jeffrey, age four, who had been slow in night training, was delightfully specific. "I'll give Him my diapers." Winifred said softly that she was going to give Jesus good grades in school. Lynn's was, "To be a better father, which means a gift of more patience." And so it went... on around the group. Peter John's was short but significant. "What I want to give to Christ is a more dedicated life." I was to remember that statement five years later at the moment of his ordination into the Presbyterian ministry when he stood so straight and so tall and answered so resoundingly, "I do so believe.... I do so promise...." Yet at Christmas time, 1960, the ministry was probably the last thing he expected to get into. Then it was my father's turn. "I certainly don't want to inject too solemn a note into this," he said, "but somehow I know that this is the last Christmas I'll be sitting in this room with my family gathered around me like this." We gasped and protested, but he would not be stopped. "No, I so much want to say this. I've had a most wonderful life. Long, long ago I gave my life to Christ. Though I've tried to serve Him, I've failed Him often. But He has blessed me with great riches--especially my family. I want to say this while you're all here. I may not have another chance. Even after I go on into the next life, I'll still be with you. And, of course, I'll be waiting for each one of you there." There was love in his brown eyes--and tears in ours. No one said anything for a moment. Time seemed to stand still in the quiet room. Firelight and candlelight played on the children's faces as they looked at their grandfather, trying to grasp what he was saying. The fragrance of balsam and cedar was in the air. The old windowpanes reflected back the red glow of Christmas lights. Father did leave this world four months later--on May first. His passing was like a benediction. It happened one afternoon as he sat quietly in a chair in the little village post office talking to some of his friends. His heart just stopped beating. That Christmas Eve he had known with a strange sureness that the time was close. Every time I think of Father now, I can see that scene in the living room--like a jewel of a moment set in the ordinary moments that make up our days. For that brief time real values came clearly into focus: Father's gratitude for life; Mother's strong faith; my husband's quiet strength; my son's inner yearning momentarily shining through blurred youthful ambitions; the eager faces of children groping toward understanding and truth; the reality of the love of God as our thoughts focused on Him whose birth we were commemorating. It was my most memorable Christmas. Family Moment Think of all the memories we've had as a family during Christmas through the years. What memories do you count as the best? Why? How could this family make our memories even sweeter than they already are? An Advent Prayer Father God, show us how precious each family member is this season. Teach us to number our days so that we might honor you and love others. Give us a new appreciation of how unique and beloved each of us is to the others. Amid the things that bother us the most, let us not lose sight that you have made this family what it is. Help us rest in your wonderful plan that we should go through life together for all of the days we have breath. We're grateful, and our hearts are filled with love for you and each other. Amen.

Diagnosis with Thanksgiving

YES, they (seizures) are bringing us to thanksgiving, something that we didn't think was possible but is. Can't quite put it to words........ just yet............... just trying to embrace it and be wrapped by it. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, (Jesus) for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way to I should go, for I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8                                                                      ~~~~     I wrote that, just a few shorts weeks ago.......... pre-knowing, I now call it.   Mainly, we have a human diagnosis! A name or knowing what Sophia has been given, and ultimately, what we have been given .  God heard my cry and poured out His GRACE.  Being wrapped and embraced by God these past few weeks I will put into words, with THANKSGIVING, what I couldn't write before.     For 6 years, we have lived with a foreign language in a foreign land.  It has been a difficult path to navigate, for sure.  How do you walk when you don't know where you are going?  We have found, you don't.  You don't walk at all but you run..........full on sprint to Jesus.  Run to the One who saves.  We have searched, prayed, begged, cried, but through it all....... we trusted and ran to God.  Yet, we were without any human answers, left without a diagnosis.  We were left to act on our beliefs in God and TRUST, or the alternative, to live with hopelessness -- total dependence on Him or total dependence on nothing.  Thankfully he gave us faith and we believe in his provision, running to him in our desperation.  Acting in  faith, with the heart of gratitude, to a loving God.  Deep down, always hoping, praying that God would reveal something to help us understand his precious gift in Sophia..... and He did. That day has come. Why do I doubt?  He is Good and Faithful.  His is GOD. Waiting on the Lord's supply and healing in the midst has been our journey. W-A-I-T.  Did you know to "wait", in sign language, is like an invitation?  Hold the left hand, palm up, fingers point up, a little away from the left side of your body. Hold the right hand in the same position, slightly nearer to the body. Wiggle the fingers of both hands. See..... it is active and inviting, it calls for action, a drawing closer, and it calls for palms up, relinquishing.  Open and vulnerable.......... we are called to wait, with a direction of drawing closer.  This is when I cry, and many tears have been shed, in the holding my hands.......... palms up. Psalm 40:1, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." When I wait, I'm looking. Looking for something that brings HOPE.   And God, in these past 6 years, has lifted my face. He has lifted my face to fix my eyes on Jesus. He has shown me hope in his unfailing love. Amidst the struggle, HIS loving presence has filled my soul with deep comfort.  I see God!  It brings warmth and light. For God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." 2 Corin. 4:6 First, seeing an end, (diagnosis)......... has a beginning.  At 23 weeks, (during an ultrasound) we heard the words, "IUGR: intrauterine growth restriction."  Our baby, had slowed down in growth and was behind by two weeks..........no explanations or human answers.  We needed wisdom and we started to pray.  We needed God. Psalm 139:5 & 6, "You hem me in ~ behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."    TRUST.  Walk in faith and trust...........these steps came with many tears.  The news remained the same, our baby continued to grow slowly, with some other concerns regarding our baby's heart and brain.  At 38 weeks, Sophia Noelle, was born. 4lbs. 7oz.  Delayed in growth by 4 weeks.  The Dr's first words to me, "No mutations......."  "Huh? Are you kidding me!" was all I could think.  Then I shook his words from my brain.  I was hoping his first words to be........"It's a boy or girl!"  That answer came a few moments later.  "Oh, it's a girl."   And then, the Dr's look of concern.........something that has remained with me. He quickly called for assistance and the room was filled with nurses.   She was frail and not responding to life and so Stuart cut the umbilical cord, instantly.  Before I knew what to do I was surrounded by several nurses, all talking at once, trying to bring me words of information.  Mostly, they were there to assist Sophia.  She didn't cry, nor did I...... there was work to be done.......she was taken to NICU with Stuart and I started to pray. I PRAYed to God for life.  She wasn't breathing.  She needed oxygen.  As quickly as she born, she was wisked away.  Her first breath and cry came from under an oxygen tent.  Stuart was with her and I was left to wait.......   Psalm 139:15b & 16, "When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Her name, Sophia Noelle.   Sophia means... wisdom.  She came to bring wisdom and in her little being, little heart, little....... everything, I have seen God's wisdom revealed.   These past few years has kept us praying, waiting, hoping, running and believing in God.  Trusting Him in making crucial decisions, for Sophia, without knowing her diagnosis.  We could only trust HIM.  TRUST.  We are most grateful for his grace.  As we look back, it has been more than sufficient.  Acknowledging His grace, in Christ Jesus, brings us to our knees.............and that is where his peace begins.  "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 7 So, here we are, the day has come......her diagnosis revealed.  Through genetic testing, God showed the Dr's and us, she has a deletion in her 4th chromosome:  Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome.  We have another name for it, but that is for another post.  We can see the "why."  After waiting and watching, we see your salvation, God, protecting us.  The answer to the "why," is not in her diagnosis, but it's in Jesus.  He has guarded our hearts and minds by his grace.  His timing is perfect.  We have no regrets, in trusting Him, with the care He provided.  We believe, just like the blind man in John 9:3 that, "this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in her life."  We believe, "your (God's) eyes saw, (Sophia's) unformed body."  In your wisdom, YOU created her inmost being.  YOU knit her together in my womb.  May I PRAISE YOU......... for she is fearfully and wonderfully made. The promises from Psalm 139. Thank you, Jesus, with palms up...........a journey of healing in the midst. A journey of waiting.  Running to God and being in His grace and having hope, Praise be to Him! "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation." Psalm 118: 21

Prayer, via ~ Ann Voskamp-----Untitled thoughts, via ~ Janet

A Prayer for Bloggers I am no longer my own blogger, but Yours. Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will. Put me to service, put me to suffering. Let me be a follower — instead of seeking followers Let me post for You — or be put aside for You, Lifted high, only for You, or brought low, all for You. Do with me and each post whatever You will, because You alone know best. Let me not strive but submit Let me not compete but care Let me not desire hits but holiness Let my blog be full of You, and let it be empty of me. Let me crave all things of You, let me care nothing of this world. Let my words be focus only on the greatest of audiences: You. And You are enough. May I write not for subscribers… but only for Your smile. May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement not the size of my audience. May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ, never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments. May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen — but the ones I live with my skin. I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Your pleasure and perfect will. My only fame is that I bear your name My only glory is the gift of Your Grace My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find Make this so. Lord… Yawhew, you alone are my God, not Google Jesus, you alone are my Savior, not sitemeters And Holy Spirit, you alone are my Comforter, not comments So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come. O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am thine. This is my prayer I have made on earth, over thie keyboard… let it be ratified in heaven. In Jesus’ Name…. Amen. UNTITLED THOUGHTS  Get out of my head and on my tongue the breath God gave me, fills me with the Holy Spirit, to commune with Him in prayer and thanksgiving.   A reminder as I'm watching a seizure take form in Sophia's eyes...........trust God, pray. Outloud. With the power of the Holy Spirit. With thanksgiving. Trust GOD. Another weekend for practice.  "Because he/she loves me,"  says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he/she acknowledges my name.  He/She will call upon me, and I will answer him/her; I will be with him/her in trouble, I will deliver him/her and honor him/her.  With long life will I satisfy him/her and show him/her my salvation."  Psalm 91: 14-16  Praise be to GOD. Her seizures don't get any easier, they leave aftershocks that Stuart and I must take captive and bring to Christ.  They bring pain and suffering and motivation to have a humble admission of our daily need for Christ and a humble pursuit of his grace.  And, YES, they are bringing us to thanksgiving, something that we didn't think was possible but is.  Can't quite put it to words........ just yet............... just trying to embrace it and be wrapped by it. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, (Jesus) for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way to I should go, for I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143: 8 Often times the fixing our eyes on Jesus is the hardest when faced with seizures.  But when I do, I remain in Jesus, the fear of God and admist the struggle HIS loving presence fills my soul with deep comfort that warms and delights.  Be Still.  I see GOD.  That I am thankful. Whatever your circumstances look to Jesus today and be comforted with warmth and delight and praise HIM with thanksgiving............Be blessed.

Craving a Cozy, Crumpled State of Mind

     Fall..... calls us to feather our nest with gatherings, community and a nestling in. 

 A dear friend and I were talking over the phone and after tucking away the summer memories we discovered the time of season is changing and we are craving a cozy, crumpled state of mind.

    Are you there yet?
  
A season....... to offer warmth and a place.  To begin a project, Bible study or carving out time for fellowship.

    Reading in Acts, after Jesus had ascended to the Father, the disciples are found, "joining together constantly in prayer......."  The season of joining to together in prayer, a lovely picture.

I'm ready to receive the invitation of fall and of fellowship, with devotion and prayer.    In fact I'm excited to fall into the Word with friends and dicover the warmth of His love and care and find a cozy crumpled state of mind......together.

    Will you join me?

Holding Life In

Looking back to my last post, (YIKES, May?) I realize how I hold life in and tend to express more inside myself and less outside myself. I thought I had written so much more about our life, here, in these daily moments. Sorry...... I will work harder at encouraging my thoughts to the page and I will celebrate the pondering and waiting that I do, with thanksgiving.... to the page! I will write about the simplicity even just to get it out and see that I had simplicity. Each day try to write a moment of time, here, at Eyes4C-ing. So much has happened that I won't go back for retracing but I will trace my thoughts to the page, today...... in this moment.

Today's journal entry, after encouraging a grief stricken friend........God cares and shows up in those who care.......take care.......receive healing.

God shows up in those who care, a great miracle indeed, offering hope, the hope that only Jesus has given them and the hope that Jesus is giving, through them, to me and others. I see them and I see Him and am grateful. My opportunity is to take care, and receive relationship and heal and I grab hold with determination and faith. Holding life in because He is holding on............HE is holding on to me. In all the phone calls, daily cares and processing of life, I want to remember..... His holding.

Now, back to football practices, phone calls, dinner, family and healing in the midst. His blessings to your moments........and holding LIFE in.