Diagnosis with Thanksgiving

YES, they (seizures) are bringing us to thanksgiving, something that we didn't think was possible but is. Can't quite put it to words........ just yet............... just trying to embrace it and be wrapped by it. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, (Jesus) for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way to I should go, for I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8                                                                      ~~~~     I wrote that, just a few shorts weeks ago.......... pre-knowing, I now call it.   Mainly, we have a human diagnosis! A name or knowing what Sophia has been given, and ultimately, what we have been given .  God heard my cry and poured out His GRACE.  Being wrapped and embraced by God these past few weeks I will put into words, with THANKSGIVING, what I couldn't write before.     For 6 years, we have lived with a foreign language in a foreign land.  It has been a difficult path to navigate, for sure.  How do you walk when you don't know where you are going?  We have found, you don't.  You don't walk at all but you run..........full on sprint to Jesus.  Run to the One who saves.  We have searched, prayed, begged, cried, but through it all....... we trusted and ran to God.  Yet, we were without any human answers, left without a diagnosis.  We were left to act on our beliefs in God and TRUST, or the alternative, to live with hopelessness -- total dependence on Him or total dependence on nothing.  Thankfully he gave us faith and we believe in his provision, running to him in our desperation.  Acting in  faith, with the heart of gratitude, to a loving God.  Deep down, always hoping, praying that God would reveal something to help us understand his precious gift in Sophia..... and He did. That day has come. Why do I doubt?  He is Good and Faithful.  His is GOD. Waiting on the Lord's supply and healing in the midst has been our journey. W-A-I-T.  Did you know to "wait", in sign language, is like an invitation?  Hold the left hand, palm up, fingers point up, a little away from the left side of your body. Hold the right hand in the same position, slightly nearer to the body. Wiggle the fingers of both hands. See..... it is active and inviting, it calls for action, a drawing closer, and it calls for palms up, relinquishing.  Open and vulnerable.......... we are called to wait, with a direction of drawing closer.  This is when I cry, and many tears have been shed, in the holding my hands.......... palms up. Psalm 40:1, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." When I wait, I'm looking. Looking for something that brings HOPE.   And God, in these past 6 years, has lifted my face. He has lifted my face to fix my eyes on Jesus. He has shown me hope in his unfailing love. Amidst the struggle, HIS loving presence has filled my soul with deep comfort.  I see God!  It brings warmth and light. For God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." 2 Corin. 4:6 First, seeing an end, (diagnosis)......... has a beginning.  At 23 weeks, (during an ultrasound) we heard the words, "IUGR: intrauterine growth restriction."  Our baby, had slowed down in growth and was behind by two weeks..........no explanations or human answers.  We needed wisdom and we started to pray.  We needed God. Psalm 139:5 & 6, "You hem me in ~ behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."    TRUST.  Walk in faith and trust...........these steps came with many tears.  The news remained the same, our baby continued to grow slowly, with some other concerns regarding our baby's heart and brain.  At 38 weeks, Sophia Noelle, was born. 4lbs. 7oz.  Delayed in growth by 4 weeks.  The Dr's first words to me, "No mutations......."  "Huh? Are you kidding me!" was all I could think.  Then I shook his words from my brain.  I was hoping his first words to be........"It's a boy or girl!"  That answer came a few moments later.  "Oh, it's a girl."   And then, the Dr's look of concern.........something that has remained with me. He quickly called for assistance and the room was filled with nurses.   She was frail and not responding to life and so Stuart cut the umbilical cord, instantly.  Before I knew what to do I was surrounded by several nurses, all talking at once, trying to bring me words of information.  Mostly, they were there to assist Sophia.  She didn't cry, nor did I...... there was work to be done.......she was taken to NICU with Stuart and I started to pray. I PRAYed to God for life.  She wasn't breathing.  She needed oxygen.  As quickly as she born, she was wisked away.  Her first breath and cry came from under an oxygen tent.  Stuart was with her and I was left to wait.......   Psalm 139:15b & 16, "When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Her name, Sophia Noelle.   Sophia means... wisdom.  She came to bring wisdom and in her little being, little heart, little....... everything, I have seen God's wisdom revealed.   These past few years has kept us praying, waiting, hoping, running and believing in God.  Trusting Him in making crucial decisions, for Sophia, without knowing her diagnosis.  We could only trust HIM.  TRUST.  We are most grateful for his grace.  As we look back, it has been more than sufficient.  Acknowledging His grace, in Christ Jesus, brings us to our knees.............and that is where his peace begins.  "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 7 So, here we are, the day has come......her diagnosis revealed.  Through genetic testing, God showed the Dr's and us, she has a deletion in her 4th chromosome:  Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome.  We have another name for it, but that is for another post.  We can see the "why."  After waiting and watching, we see your salvation, God, protecting us.  The answer to the "why," is not in her diagnosis, but it's in Jesus.  He has guarded our hearts and minds by his grace.  His timing is perfect.  We have no regrets, in trusting Him, with the care He provided.  We believe, just like the blind man in John 9:3 that, "this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in her life."  We believe, "your (God's) eyes saw, (Sophia's) unformed body."  In your wisdom, YOU created her inmost being.  YOU knit her together in my womb.  May I PRAISE YOU......... for she is fearfully and wonderfully made. The promises from Psalm 139. Thank you, Jesus, with palms up...........a journey of healing in the midst. A journey of waiting.  Running to God and being in His grace and having hope, Praise be to Him! "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation." Psalm 118: 21