Top 10 Things My Children Have Taught Me...

This was written in my journal, two years ago.
I'm ready to post and have it serve as a reminder for me to remain teachable.

Sophia's nicknames:  Phia, Phia doll, Eyeballs, Lovey B., Sweet Pea, Sugar Plum

10.  Hardships happen. Life often brings surprises ~ unexpected and planned.

9.  Life is precious, sweet and good, always.

8.  Everyone needs to be seen and recognized.  Phia's way, in doing so, is with a persistent smile and simple greeting, to everyone who crosses her path.

7.  Let someone else help  ~ we need each other.

6.  Persevere, it is the way, you gotta go through it. (You can't go over it, and you can't go under it.)

5. Overflow with joy and give generously.

4.  Be empathetic, see pain and people and offer encouragement.

3.  Be thankful ~ it's the road to God.

2.  My abilities are my disabilities.

And the number 1. thing she has taught me... Simply be who you are ~ it's valuable and true!

Gabriel's nicknames:  Gabe, Gabers, The Gabester, Cheese Ball, Cheeks, Love, My Boy

10.  Love does begin at first sight.

9.  We are not our own.

8.  Having fight isn't always bad ~ can be a strength that needs direction.

7. Fighters have a super sensitive side and to handle that side with care.

6. Trust is hard but definitely worth it ~ Trust requires relinquishing instead of fighting.  It truly is what makes you strong.

5. Lighten up ~ laugh, play, enjoy life.

4.  Life is full of grace and charm.  Remember to remain thankful.

3. Protect what you have ~ it is priceless.

2.  Boys hearts are fragile.  Be careful with their heart.  Speak life.

And the number 1. thing he has taught me...Simply be who you are.  Embrace all of what makes you ~ YOU!

As it should be.

I believe God sent me the two children I needed to learn to become the person He needed.
The person He needs is the person who needs Him.
Thankful to God for my two children.
Blessed, indeed.

God's Mercy

"David said to Gad, I am in deep distress. Let me fall into the hands of the the Lord, for his mercy is very great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men."
1 Chronicles 21:13

A time of prayer, a loose tooth, a nap, a good night's sleep and a visit from the tooth fairy, all the while in the palm of his hands.  God's mercy.

It's a new day, travelling the stations of grief and growing. God's mercy.

Phia will possibly try a half day of school.  This morning will tell the tale.  She awoke wearing happiness as usual. God's mercy.

Not wanting to miss another day of school, she fixed her own hair.  (She has been trying to get a pony holder in for hair for about a year or so.)  This is most amazing coordination. Still in her pj's, I took a series of shots, capturing this miracle.  God's mercy.

I call out to God because I believe He hasn't overlooked me and that he is listening.  I'm hoping that because he is God, Father God. 

God's mercy.  I'm never out of his sight.  Never out of the palm of his hands.  Never out of reach.  Never too far from his grace and mercy.  Never ever.

Thank you, Father God, for opening my eyes to see your love and adoration in this life. Continue to guide my trust to your relentless love that never fails.  And when my trust is tested (like yesterday) hold my faith and help me grow stronger.  

Amen.

WHS Never Sleeps

January bares all. A stubborn virus hanging on to Phia's body and January blah-ness has me daydreaming

Some days I dream the old, familiar daydream, of the early days when the doctors sent me home with the diagnosis of a wellness child. In my dream I remember thinking in 7 months she will be fat and sitting up on the kitchen floor, playing with toys and squealing with delight and all this smallness and struggle will be behind us. In my dream I feel I can manage this hardship and in just a few short months my child will fit the wellness diagnosis. I hear the relief in my mind and heart and sense joy.

A decade later, Father God, I still long for those feelings of having a wellness child. Grieving and growing. Growing and grieving.

Will it ever be just growing, God?

WHS never sleeps and it doesn't get tired. It has gotten easier, as she grows stronger, in some ways.

Today is a struggle...

On my knees. Holding on to this prayer, that I read this morning, for caregivers.

"Dear Father, sometimes my grief seems to much to bear.  Help me treasure the past without getting stuck there. And help me make my way through the grief while giving myself permission to acknowledge my pain and the loss. Forgive me for the mistake of ever blaming you for suffering instead of seeing you as my Savior in the suffering."