I've mentioned before about Sophia's persistence. When she wants something, don't get in her way, she is going to get it. She can say, "NOW, Mom". And she means it. This is can be an act of defiance or an attribute.
She knows going to school is associated with work. So each day, (when she is done working) she responds with a "bye" and "work, morrow". Which means, "See you for work tomorrow." This is delightful as she's been trying to form sentences and may I just say...form personality. She has worked so hard to modulate her language to speech. It's great to hear words, Phia style.
Although the week-ends are driven by wondering and persistent demands of "work, morrow" (go to school), with continual pressing of the question. It can be exhausting. So we've come up with a way of helping her focus to be in the moment and not worry about "morrow". We concluded that as long as it is today we play. So when she asks, an hour after we've been home from school, "work, morrow?", we say, "no, it's today so we play!" She understands and reply's, "oh". Sometimes she will come back in an hour or so and ask again, "work, morrow?" and I smile and point to the window and she, nodding her head will say, "oh...day, play" and I will smile with a yes. I love this girl and her wonder and style. We celebrate that!
But I didn't always embrace her in the moment.
Working through this grief process, as I look back at those days of wanting a name (diagnosis) for what was happening, I was much like Phia. Always looking ahead and not able to be present in the moment. Persistent focus of another time than "the time". I guess this is when the attribute becomes defiance and she has learned this behavior from me....? I take full responsibility. =) (And I have learned more about myself since having kids than I knew about myself before kids). I believe God sent me the two children I needed to become the adult He needed.
It took time, patience and compassion from God and one day, while reading One Thousand Gifts, "Just naming it......Just naming it. When you don't have a name for something, you're haunted by shadows. It ages you." He spoke through her words with healing and He gave me the chance to name it. He knew I wanted to stop the aging process and the haunting. He knew I wanted to be in the moment and celebrate His gift. I just didn't know how.
During God's healing process I was able to look deep within our experience and while absorbing all of Sophia and focusing all on God, I spoke the name. "The Fountain of Youth". We have the fountain of youth! Thank you God, what a gift. Truly.
Today, we soak in "the Fountain of Youth... Phia" and we are so thankful. She is so lovely and her wisdom is crazy good. God's good.
Learning to rejoice in the moment of every day with giving thanks. Resting in God's goodness and faithful love.
I'm still persistent and so is Phia but with God's goodness we are learning to be persistent in the very moment that we have, with Him and each other. We celebrate that!
