It took a sick child, need of peaceful sleep, last night's meteor shower and words from a devotional to see the gift of fragility. That's right, it's a gift...
I shot out of bed as I heard an unsettling gulping sound coming from Phia's moniter and when I came to her room she was not where I last saw her...sweetly resting in her bed. Pure panic gripped me...where is she, how is she, what will I see when I find her? God, help me!
Phia was in the bathroom, chugging water, rapidly, and then said these words when she saw me come in, "I'm thirsty, Mom."
Wave of instant relief, she is guzzling water AND can keep it down. The vomiting had ended earlier that night. All is well, nothing to fear.
Thankful, I tucked her back in bed and prayed her to sleep, yet, I needed to breathe, as my heart was still pounding outside my chest. I walked out of her room with the thought, who was going to quiet me, so I could get back to sleep?
Just then God reminded me, His sky had a special performance to offer, a meteor shower, all I needed to
do was look up. So I walked outside and looked up.
Weary and weak, I was so small under the expanse of the sky. I softly muttered, "God, HELP ME, this startling fear has overtaken my heart, again, please make it stop."
Like the shooting stars that streaked through the night sky and captured by my eye, God showed me (by several magnitudes) the gift in being fragile. What I detest in weakness He uses to speak into my life His compassion and I was enveloped in His comfort as I witnessed and relinquished into His presence. His peace rose over the fear. He is bigger, always, than my circumstances. Always.
My heart was healing and I was able to accept myself in His gift! Accept and know He is with me, to the very end of all time and space. He is with me, through balancing the parenting of a typical teenager and a special needs child. Through a life of difficult, unexpected twists and turns. Through darkness. Always.
I remained in the expanse of His Greatness and enjoyed His Presence in the miracle of the meteor shower and was able to go back to bed, peacefully falling back to sleep, loved.
Then His voice in these words, from Sarah Young, in the devotional, "Jesus Calling", this morning. (It was yesterday's entry but I didn't read it until today as yesterday I was attending to Phia and her bug.) After my encounter last night I deducted that He designed to meet me today in yesterday's entry all along, that's God! You'll deduct the same, I hope...
"Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, (my epiphany happened here) providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence. Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light, (just like God, tangible in the meteors last night!) Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow me to bless you richly through it."
The gift of fragility. Great darkness needs Great Light. Look up. He is with us. Always. Love. Accept it and be blessed. Abundantly.
"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5
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