"This is the last I need to write today and the first to read tomorrow as I'm pulling up from a painful day...
I took the exit Change, a long time ago and tonight I find myself
watching the sunset not for its glory alone (as I've watched many
others) but for its hope to rise again~holding promises so hard I will
find them in my dreams~to rise up and in the dawn find a thankful heart,
PLEASE be thankful heart... or....no, NO, my heart shaking, I can't
find my way back there!
I'll watch, hold and rise up, changed more. God willing. May my first words tomorrow be...Thank you, Jesus."
I regretted posting this on Facebook instead of my personal journal. Maybe, you've been there, too? I left it out there...exposed. UGH! I lacked much, that moment, even so, I've been been given much since..
One friend, of many, wrote to check in... wanting a status update of sorts and in her encouragement
shared how often, she is awakened, at the 4th watch (3 a.m.) and gets up
and goes to pray. She is awakened, the 4th watch. (3 a.m.) to pray. She shared Matthew 14: 22-36 with
quoting this passage, "and in the 4th watch of the night, HE came to
them walking on the sea."
Three things spoke to me, awakened, 4th watch (Jesus came to them walking on the sea (water) and to pray.
Remembering this parable, about Jesus coming to them, walking ON water
but not remembering the part about the 4th watch, I went to Scripture
to find it myself. After reading Matthew's account I also read Mark
and John's.
I identified right away, with, "A strong wind was blowing and the
waters grew rough."
John 6:18 shows this happened, "when the evening
came."
Distress. Storm. Darkness!
"Straining at
the oars, because the wind was against them." is how Mark 6:48 shows the
disciples response to the storm. I, again, identified with the disciples.
Straining. Struggling. Exposed!
"About
the fourth watch (there it is) of the night he went out to them,
walking on the lake." ON the lake, that is the story I remember. Jesus showing up in HIS supernatural way. Such an awesome part of the story, the parable, we remember. Jesus is Majestically Amazing. But this time, in reading Scripture, I'm looking specifically to the reference,"in the fourth watch of the night," that time of awakening my friend mentioned and finding herself going to pray. Remembering she mentions, 3 a.m....that's the middle of the
night!
I see it. I see Him (Jesus) in the fourth watch of the night...going out, in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the toil... "walking ON water," in the middle of the fear. The fourth watch is in the middle of it, all!
How often do I see Him but miss Him "in the middle" of my life because
of lack and am terrified, just like the disciples? "They saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were terrified." John 6: 19
Here's where regret in posting a personal struggle on Facebook turns into a personal God reshaping me, again! Awakened to understand if I leave my post with the feeling of regret, I am left in lack, yet, if I leave my post in hope, with God, I'm left in the middle of His mercy, reshaped AND rescued!
To pick up where I left off, (of course)" in the middle" of the story.
"But Jesus immediately said to them: Take
courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." .Matthew 14:27
Good news, right? GOOD NEWS!
Then I keep reading but flip over to Mark's account and see, "He was about to pass them by." Wait, what? He watched the disciples in the middle of it ALL and he went to them, walking ON
the water and Mark 6:48 says, "He was about to pass by them." He Watched, Went, Walking on the Water and WAS about to pass by them?
Yes, go
look it up yourself, that is what it says. I didn't remember that part either!
Then the disciples said these words, "It's a ghost, and cried out in fear."
Doubt. Cry. Fear!
(All to familiar, huh?)
He knew what it would take for His disciples to see Him (walking on water) and cause them to cry out so He could speak to them, immediately, and in the 4th watch (in the middle) of it, ALL! Just as he knew what it would take for me to see Him, (in the middle) of my storm, my doubt, to see Him moving and speaking (in the middle) of my heart, again.
He knew who He was and his purpose! How? I went back to the beginning of the parable, found in Matthew 14: 22-23, "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray."
"Immediately made the disciples get in the boat and go ahead of him to the other side."
I didn't want to miss mentioning this part because of the importance in finding Jesus, from the beginning. Making them go in the boat ahead of him and then Jesus watching in prayer all the while fearless, knowing they would be together on the other side.
Okay. So, back to the middle of the parable when they all saw him walking on the lake, they all cried out and were terrified.
"Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down." Mark 6:51
Amazing, isn't it? John 6; 21 says, "Then they were willing to take him into the boat." Beautiful! There is nothing against them when He is with them!
His purpose... to bring us to faith by revealing himself and living with us, fearless and when we cry out He reshapes our hearts leaving no way back, willingly to be rescued!
The parable begins with "immediately made to go", and then in the middle "immediately he spoke to them saying, Take Courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." and ends with "immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading."
Faith. Jesus. Fearless!
Please, go read the accounts yourself. ( I, intentionally, left some of the story out for you to recall and rediscover yourself.)
My faith, fighting doubt, that I declared to believe (exposed and written on Facebook) that night, "I'll watch, hold and rise up, changed more. God willing. May my first words tomorrow be...Thank you, Jesus."
God, immediately, reminded me whose I am and I'm further down the road from taking the exit Change long ago, because His Son, Jesus, who is changing me with determination and courage of faith. I'm watching for hope with prayer because God lifted my eyes to see Jesus, supernaturally dying on a cross and I'm holding His Promise that I'm not alone, ever! Rising up...thankful because He is my Savior! Thanking Jesus, who doesn't pass by me when I cry out BUT immediately speaks of His mercy and love!
Facebook status update; "This is the last I need to write today and the first to read tomorrow as I'm pulling up from a painful day...
Thank you, Jesus! You (purposely) died on the cross and rose again, You are with us (promise) in the middle! When we cry out You speak (passionately)and rescue us in the Holy Spirit (power) immediately to go with (peace) in the direction where we are heading! Amen"
