Night, Sickness and Silence

Night, sickness and silence. These are my latest fears. They are most gripping and keep my crying out to Jesus for peace. I most often wish for the morning to come quickly and the bustle of life to surround me. I sometimes look for distraction, (books, t.v, journaling) because I really don't like the silence and the beating of my own heart as I lay awake trembling. I pray desperately for Sophia to be seizure free and for the illness to pass without complications and for Jesus to bring peace over this night and the circumstances. Sickness set in on Sophia, (again) in the form of the common cold. She is having a tough time breathing and it makes her restless and uncomfortable. Low grade fever, I'm left with concern and watch for a seizure, since this is when they seem to appear. She talks in her sleep and I listen to her murmuring. Then she says, very clear, "Papa". I cry and find God reassuring me to close my eyes and trust Him. "Abba, Father," hears my prayer and I understand worry won't change a thing, so I trust Him and He brings me peace and I drift back to sleep. He is whispering in my ear and this time I hear the beating of His heart and I find rest, deep rest, in this night, sickness and silence.